Week 8 | Alex

This week really caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to realize all of the bitterness I have deep down and I am really surprised by what has come up. I think the reading let me begin to think about the problems I may have, and then the sermon just pointed it all out to me. I realized I have been trying to move on from a lot of the pain caused by my Dad, and just like Pastor Brian said in his sermon I thought I had moved on from it but I am realizing that the root of bitterness is still there( It’s a long story with my Dad, so I can explain it when we go over our life charts). So that is an aspect I am realizing I need to bring to God and let him in to because I can’t get rid of it on my own, like the reading said only God can take that away. I think another thing I realized was that like the reading also said we can’t change or heal the people we love, we need to just be there for them and God will heal them in his time. Love does not include trying to make someone else better in your eyes, but it means being there and loving despite those areas where they need work. Nobody needs another person to sit there and point out problems they already know they have, God will do that and I am now realizing that is not our job. What a relief.

I felt like the video brought up a struggle within me about how much we focus on our own goals. I think I am still wrestling with it and thinking about it too because I don’t know exactly how that plays out in my life. I do see the need for it though, as PB talked about last week with a man getting his respect by the work he does. I do see that we need to have goals and plans, but I think also in my life I have used plans as idols before so it’s hard. I thought I was letting God control them, but when I look back they were driven by fear and anxiety. In that way I have been wrestling with how much to plan and how much I can trust God with my future. I think the way he described stories was really interesting though and I just took a scriptwriting class so I understand everything he was talking about and identified with it. There are these subtle principles that make a story great and the main conflict that does, and the most important thing is to find how that plays out in my life. My tendency is to avoid conflict, but like he said conflict is not a bad thing. He quoted the book of James, and I think as I go to that more I will realize that conflict helps us find out who we are, and while it may not be pleasant, the struggles I go through make me strong and help me become more of the man I want to be. I think that perspective is only helpful though when, as James said, it is struggles because of persecution or life’s obstacle, not if we create the struggles ourselves.